Duo: Reflections of the Thing They Call Life
by Solanum Dulcamara
Summary: Duo takes time to tell it like it is. Each chapter is a short thought on an every day topic of life. Yaoi: 1x2x1
1. The Cosmic Implications of Thinking

Standard Disclaimers: Gundam Wing is not mine, as much as it pains me to say so.  
  
Warnings: Duo's POV, philosophical  
  
A/N: Warnings will be given by the chapter, as they apply. If the warnings squick you, please dont read it just so you can flame me. This fic is all from Duo's perspective. It is supposed to be real, not fluffy or fantastic. I want the guys to be like people you could meet at the store or school. The chapters will be short and based on specific topics of Duo's thoughts. This first chapter is simply an intro into the rest of the fic. I hope you enjoy.  
  
Duo: Reflections on the Thing They Call Life  
by Solanum Dulcamara  
  
  
Chapter 1: The Cosmic Implications of Thinking  
  
Who knows where thoughts come from? They just sort of appear. I figure that when thoughts happen, they're meant to happen. We may not like each and every thought we have, but oh well. Perhaps there's some cosmic thought database...  
  
Anyway, I'm still not sure if I believe in God, but I definitely believe in fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it... otherwise, I wouldn't be able to explain half of what I'm going to tell you.  
  
I've read lots of things on life, "life is too short to drink cheap wine," "life is short, play hard," "life is a penny; you can spend it any way you want, but you can only spend it once." I find some truth to all of these... the way I see it, life _is_ short, so live the way you want to be remembered, don't waste time regretting, and love a lot. that last part may throw you a bit, but it's true. If you take some time to observe, respect, and love, you'll find that very few things stress you out. What? You don't think I can spend quiet time observing? Oh ye of little faith. Not only do I observe, but I ponder and reflect (hence aforementioned cosmic thought bank). Everyone's life can be broken down into segment, categories, and tidbits of wisdom. Listen closely, this is a learning experience.


	2. Finding the Perfect Roommate

Standard Disclaimers: GW is not mine. Boohoo, etc. Only my thoughts are my own... not that anyone wants those.  
  
Warnings: Duo's POV, philosophism, shonen ai, language, 2+1 (no mentioned reciprocation)  
  
A/N: You brave, brave readers. Welcome into the world of Duo's brain. Fasten your safety belts and keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Just kidding. As I stated before, this is NOT a fluffy, lovey fic. It is meant to be realistic. I hope that it is appreciated. A big thank you goes out to Gunnmsangel, my little beta.  
  


Duo: Reflections on the Thing They Call Life  
by Soanum Dulcamara  
  


Chapter 2: Finding the Perfect Roommate  
  
You just have to imagine that the apocalypse is upon us... at least, that's what I did when I opened my apartment door and found Heero there. I'm pretty sure the cosmic thought process had a glitch because I am never without something to say, but I was. The perfect soldier was at my door, in his perfect tight-ass jeans, asking if he could stay with me... it was all so... perfect, and yet not. There are two problems with Heero and I living together. 1. Ever since he took that dive out of the hospital, and I had to help him walk, and his arm as around me, and I was so close to him... well, if I so much as look at him for five seconds too long, I get a raging monster erection. 2. My apartment is a flat. No bedroom. Fold out sofa bed. One sleeping space. Add that to problem #1 and you have a very uncomfortable situation.  
  
I believe I asked him a question next... something like, What about Relena? It seems an innocent enough question, unless you consider the bitter tone with which I asked. His response was simple, I checked on her. She'll be fine. I don't belong there.  
  
Needless to say, I was dumbfounded. I just stood there staring at him trying to conjure words. It is a fact of life: when you most desperately need the right words, you will find yourself the most bereft. Heero came to my rescue saying it would only be temporary, yadda, yadda. How could I say no? Heero, man o' steel, was at my door, asking for help. Besides, crush or no crush, he's my best friend.  
  
Upon reflection, I don't think he was looking for a place to stay, I think he was looking for himself. Then again, maybe it's the same thing.  
  
Anyway, temporary turned into a few weeks, turned into several months, and it's been a little over two years since then. And I wouldn't change a thing... except maybe Hilde's attitude.  
  
When she and I went our separate ways so that she could move in with her boyfriend, I was all pissed about trying to find someone new to live with. I don't like to be alone very much. She dropped this little bit of wisdom into my lap, Don't worry, Duo. I'm sure that when the time is right, the perfect roommate will just appear on your doorstep. I thought that I had outsmarted her by getting a flat, but that backfired. She likes to gloat about it now, but she still has no idea how right she was.


	3. Food for Thought

Standard Disclaimers: Gundam Wing is not mine. Don't rub it in.  
  
Warnings: Duo's POV, Duo psychology, language, shonen ai, 121  
  
A/N: If you're still with me that means one of two things, you like it, or you're morbidly curious about what else I'll come up with. I'm glad either way. I hope that by the end of this, at least one chapter will really ring true for you. Thank you for reading. Also, thanks, as always, to my faithful helper, gunnmsangel.

Duo: Reflections on the Thing They Call Life  
by Solanum Dulcamara

Chapter 3: Food for Thought  
  
Sometimes people can't say what they want to with words. The phenomenon of action messaging can work in many different ways. For example, the guy who has the locker next to you in gym smells less than pleasant, and you drop some deodorant into his duffel when he's not looking... not subtle, but effective. On a more uplifting note, you want to let a hard-working mom know that you appreciate her, so you do the dishes so that she won't have to. It's the little things, you know?  
  
I, myself, rarely have trouble expressing what I'm feeling with words, whether I feel like shit or infuckingcredible. But in my experience, I feel that I've become an expert on reading what I like to call love gestures. Don't start snickering. I don't necessarily mean romantic love. There are many kinds of love. Try Greek, three major types of love: philos or brotherly love, eros (you guessed it, erotic/ romantic love), and agape which is the unconditional love of God (don't get me started). Anyway, many kinds of love, many ways of expressing them.  
  
Solo, for one, was horrible at expressing himself. He could organize the neighborhood kids into a food heist, but he's bottled up and ignored his feelings for so long that he could barely recognize let alone talk about them. But one time I got sick and he stayed with me the whole time. He got the gang to do food runs and whatnot while he nursed me back to health. He didn't say anything, but I was able to rest, secure in the knowledge that he cared about me.  
  
Sometimes Heero reminds me of Solo. He's just starting to observe his own emotions, so he often has trouble expressing them.  
  
About six months after Heero moved in, we lost a guy at the garage and I had to start working longer hours to help pick up the slack. At the time, I usually cooked because Heero didn't have muck experience in the area... not that I'm a culinary master or anything. Well, the long hours and late nights sent me home tired, and I often returned bearing little excitement about cooking. After about two weeks of this, I came home to the smell of burning. Perplexed, I opened the door to the flat and found Heero in our little kitchen surrounded by a cloud of smoke, staring angrily at a roasting pan of what I think was chicken, but was charred beyond recognition. He turned to me with a confused and deflated expression when her heard the door. He said he was sorry and looked so sad...  
  
That's when I started to cry. The little things always get me. He began apologizing profusely and told me that the rice was still good. That's when I started laughing. Then he looked more confused than ever, so I said, I love you, too.


	4. On Sharing a Bed

Standard Disclaimer: Even if I pretended like I own GW, you wouldn't believe me. Anyway, I don't, so there.  
  
Warnings: Duo's POV, language, a little sappiness at the end, shonen ai, 121  
  
A/N: This chapter is one of my personal faves. I hope you all like it. If you have any ideas for a thought segment, email me at shewhowritesyahoo.com

Duo: Reflections on the Thing They Call Life  
by Solanum Dulcamara

Chapter 4: On Sharing a Bed  
  
I know we've all read books and seen movies where the happy couple curls up to sleep every night, content in each others' arms. It's a beautiful image, and in reality Heero and I often end up sleeping cheek to cheek... yes, you've heard of thumb wars and arm wrestling, but I bring you the battle of the butts. The super cuddle image is very sweet, and everyone tries it, but it only lasts about the length of a honeymoon, and then you realize that you actually want sleep sometimes. Comfortable sleep. Sure, Heero and I are always touching while we sleep, but that usually involves our hineys touching, my leg draped over his, or his cold-ass feet on me. But, I assure you that there is a method to this madness.  
  
For the greater portion of my life, I was bedless, sleeping in everything from streets to benches, condemned buildings to forest floors, cots to Deathscythe. The first time I slept in a real bed was at the private school that I stayed at with Heero, during the war. I remember the blissful shock with which I discovered the thing called bed. The mattress was so soft and my head sank down into the pillow... Shortly thereafter, I found out I am a bed hog. Af mess, tossing and turning bed hog. My reasoning is that my body is finding every possible comfortable position every night, to make up for the years of comfort I've missed.  
  
Heero's sleep history isn't much better. I don't know all of the hairy details, but I know enough to conclude that Heero sleeps in a way that allows him to be prepared to defend against potential danger and death... which is why he chose to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door... he also always faces the door.  
  
See? Practical reasoning to explain the clusterfuck in our bed. Oh, you might be thinking that I burst your romantic little bubble... you'd be correct, and at the same time, you're completely wrong. While our somnalic habits aren't something out of a fairytale, there're real and they're tangible, and they're incredibly romantic to me. Every time I wake up during the night because a butt bumps into mine or a cold foot plasters itself against my thigh, I can feel the body next to me, and I know that I'm loved.


	5. The Truth About Sex

Standard Disclaimer: GW isn't mine... yadda, yadda.  
  
Warnings: Duo's POV, yaoi, 121, candid talk about sex, not a lemon, I repeat, not a lemon  
  
A/N: Hooray for sex... sort of. Anyway, if discussing sex makes you uncomfortable, what are you doing reading a shonen ai story. Just kidding. Truthfully though, if sex unnerves you, do not read this. Nothing graphic is contained herein, I'm just trying to cover my bases. To any readers: thank you so much. I hope you enjoy.

Duo: Reflections on the Thing They Call Life  
by Solanum Dulcamara

Chapter 5: The Truth About Sex  
  
I like sex. Who doesn't? But real life sex and story book sex are two completely different things. I'd just like to take some time to clear up a few myths on the topic.  
  
In books and movies, sex is always this magical passionate rendezvous, where both parties are panting with need and are always ready. I will admit that almost all healthy young males are usually ready most of the time, but there are times when you just aren't in the mood. I know it sounds cliché and awfully pms-ish, but even men can suffer from the condition. Now, I'm sure that you're thinking, But if you love the person, you should always want to be with them. Well, that's something just short of true. If you love someone, you always want to fulfill their wishes. To love is to serve, but not in some weird submissive way, just normal giving. Anyway, the desire to fulfill your lover's desire will override personal feelings of not now, I've got things on my mind. This is good and necessary, and don't feel guilty if you accidentally think about that overdue power bill. Just remember that while your body may not be into it, if you're really in love, your heart will be. You'd be amazed how much satisfaction you can garner just from pleasuring the one you love. Some of my favorite intimate moments don't include my own orgasm.  
  
Speaking of orgasms, I realize that much of fiction would like to convince us that when two people are truly meant for each other and their love is perfectly in tune with one another, that they will also orgasm at the same time. Ah passion... ah fiction... if fiction were real, it would be in the reference section. Now, I'm not saying that simultaneous orgasms do not occur, they can and will happen on occasion, but they are very, very rare. Reality check, everyone has a unique body that requires different kinds of sexual attention. These bodies will arouse at different rates and climax at different times. Period. Now there are two common examples of auditory stimulus which can lead to synchronized orgasms. The first involves two people: one very aroused by erotic sounds and the other a very loud sex partner. It goes without saying that the screaming, moaning person will drag the auditory stimulated person with him/ her towards orgasm, and when such screams as, I'm cuming, occur, in a heightened arousal, the listener could be brought to orgasm at or around the same time due to the a.s. The second example exists between a set of lovers where one obviously has the dominant role and the other the submissive. When dom gets close to the proverbial edge a simple command is usually all it takes for the sub to follow in orgasmic bliss. If your relationship does not fit into one of the aforementioned categories, you probably won't be experiencing vast quantities of simultaneous orgasms.  
  
Don't think I'm trying to be all negative here. There is one great truth that I can verify. Sex is definitely better with love. Not to say that I'm a whore or anything, but I've had my share of sexual encounters. Some were one night stands (which I do NOT recommend), some were a comfort fuck between friends (safe, harmless, and kinda like a hug), some were passionate affairs, but none of them involved love. I had never put sex and love together until Heero. I guess that's why it's called making love. I can honestly say that it's more physically gratifying, but also, you get more than just the bodily tingles. Making love gives you this fabulous warm feeling all the way to the core of your being. Nothing compares to it. When you make love, you find that part of you that was missing your entire life, and you suddenly realize what it is to be whole.  
  
Listen to me, rambling like a sap. Seriously though, the truth about sex is that it won't always happen when you want it, it might happen when you thought you didn't want it, it won't always work out the way you want it to, but if you love the person, and they love you, then you'll always enjoy it.


	6. The Great Job Hunt

Disclaimer: Still not mine.  
Warnings: shounen ai, language, Duo POV, small political joke  
Pairing(s): 1x2x1  
Beta: Raven Layne  
A/N: Thanks to everyone who has commented and encouraged the writing of this little fic. I'm enjoying writing it and will continue for as long as I can come up with ideas. Anyone who has an idea or a topic or whatever can feel free to email me with it:  
Thanks!  
  
Duo: Reflections on the Thing They Call Life  
By Solanum Dulcamara  
  
Chapter 6: The Great Job Hunt (or Kindergarten Cop)  
  
Nobody mentions the post-war economic recession, do they? What, you're surprised? Well, when arms manufacturing, and all military are shut down and disbanded, you get a hell of a lot of people out of work. I've heard a few of the older people comparing it to some archaic reccession, called "the Bush years" or something. I wouldn't know much about it, and I sure as hell didn't predict it, but it didn't really bother me... if you'll remember correctly, my entire childhood was more or less a big fat economic recession.  
  
So, anyway, a lot of people don't have jobs, and there really isn't anywhere for them to work. My job is not glamorous. I am a mechanic. I work a very dirty, blue-collar, nine to five job. It does, however, get the bills paid, and to be honest, I like what I do.  
  
Anyway, I was our sole supporter for awhile. Yes, you can take a minute to smile, here, at the image of Heero "the perfect soldier" Yuy as the proverbial   
  
Needless to say, he got a bit antsy after many months of riveting shower cleaning, the oh-so-intellectually stimulating conversations with our cactus, and the thrilling reorganization of music and vid discs. He wanted a job. He said some utter bullshit about earning his keep...he knows better than that.  
  
But anyway, I could understand the whole being bored out of his mind part of the deal. So, I agreed that he should look for work.  
  
In a time when jobs are scarce, my fabulous lover is, for all intents and purposes, rather over qualified for just about any job that you can scrounge up. It is so shitty that a person with his wide and varied talents spent night after night scouring the internet and classified ads, just to come up empty handed in the end.  
  
I tell you this now, there is nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, as completely heartbreaking as a discouraged lover. As nights turned into weeks with no success, my poor love developed this total "I'm worthless, and the postwar world has no need of me" complex. I had to repeatedly remind him that I sure as hell needed him.  
  
Dammit! I felt so helpless, sitting there and watching him stew in his melancholy. So, I did what any worried lover would do... I called in extra help.  
  
Winner Enterprises was doing all right, despite the general 'state of the nation.' I got on the phone with Q, and had him do a few call-arounds. He got back to us in a couple of days with a computer security opening at one of their subsidiaries. I was fucking ecstatic when Heero found out. I was just happy to see him smiling for the first time in forever.  
  
So, Heero checks into this new gig, and does a little overview of their system. He finds them using security from, like, before the colony years. Obviously he recommends a complete overhaul on the system; aka: lots of corporate dollars. The CEO and CFO decided he could work with what he had. Heero tried to inform them that no decent security was possible with their current computer systems... things deteriorated rapidly, and needless to say, the job didn't work out.  
  
So, I was back to fretting over my lover, whose complex had evolved to unforeseen proportions. Insecurity, thy name is Heero Yuy. I was resorting to every pathetic means of cheering up that I could imagine. Then one day, rather out of the blue, I'd say a miracle happened, but that requires a belief in God and well, the jury's still out on that one, folks.  
  
So, we were walking home from the metro, and passing the little park outside of the apartment complex we call home, when a big red elementary school type kickball rolls in front of our feet and into the road, followed closely by a kid. Before I could open my over-talkative mouth, Heero had stopped him and crouched down to his level to explain in a shockingly gentle but firm voice why it was dangerous for him to chase his ball into the road. Heero then turned, fetched the ball, and returned it to the kid with a pat on the head, and a "have fun." I think I turned to goo right then. Who knew Heero was good with kids?  
  
I was struck by inspiration. Heero good with kids... Heero master of security... it was all so obvious. I immediately starting making phone calls. After a week, I received a call back from PS 122.  
  
I faxed them Heero's resume, and set up a little surprise interview for him... in hindsight, I probably should have consulted him on the setting up of the interview... I thought everyone liked surprises.  
  
To make a long story short, Heero got the job. He's the head security guard for a public elementary school. If you ask him about it, he'll say, "It's work," but I know that he loves it. I drop by sometimes, and watch him with the kids on the playground; helping the little ones onto swings, judging games, bandaging skinned knees, and he always has the same gentle firmness, and he always has a little smile. Watching him with the kids like that almost makes me wish I had a uterus... almost. I'm quite attached to my man bits, thank you very much, and Heero likes me just the way I am (which is the best part about it).


End file.
